You Reach for My Hand

You reach for my hand and wrap your tiny fingers around mine.  You reach for me for comfort.  For reassurance that I am still near.

You reach for my hand while you nurse.  To seal that connection between us.  You reach for my hand when you are unsure.  When something is new and different.

You reach for my hand to sleep.  Because falling asleep is easier when your hand is enclosed within your mama's.

I hold on tight because I know this moment is sacred.  That all too soon you won't always reach for my hand.

That someday you'll be "too big" or "too old" to hold your mama's hand.  So I don't complain.  I hold on to your tiny fingers tightly as if to say, "I'm here Baby Girl."  I need you too.

I reluctantly remove my hand when you fall asleep.  Sometimes wishing that I could hold on forever.  These moments.  Those little hands in my large ones.  I treasure it.

Weekend Recap

This weekend Josh has a four day so we took advantage of it for some quality family time as well as got a little work done around the house.  Friday looked like it would be the best of the four so we packed up and headed up to Raleigh for an impromptu day.  We stopped into a local brewery and had a great lunch.  Then it was off to the Museum of Natural Science.  The Museum had a lot of local displays featuring natural habitats and animals of North Carolina.  To round it off we stopped in at Trader Joes and had fun grabbing anything that looked good.  We don't have one close to Fayetteville so this was a real treat.

Saturday we ran errands around town.  We stopped in at Toys R Us/Babies R Us to pick up some baby food for an upcoming trip.  Mara also got a gift card from her Grandma so we were on the hunt for a swing for her as well.  Despite the nasty weather outside we were drawn to all the outdoor toys for spring and summer and ended up walking out with a kiddie pool as well.

First time swinging

We then headed to Home Depot to pick up supplies for a composting bin.  I really would like to have a garden and this seems like an obvious first step.  Target was next for a few staples we needed and then it was off to meet our friends, Joe and Alyssa.  Josh had contacted them earlier in the day and was hoping that Alyssa and I could have a bit of a girl's night while him and Joe watched Mara.

It was such a blessing to just go out for a few hours with a good friend.  It was exactly what I needed to recharge and really appreciate my little family.  I hope we can make it more of a regular occurrence!

Big smiles

Our Sunday can be found here.

Monday we hung close to home and finished up a few things around the house.  Josh worked outside on the composting bin a bit and hung Mara's new swing.  We also threw the frisbee around and just tried to enjoy the nice weather.

This four day weekend was such a blessing.  Josh works so hard and its nice to just have some dedicated family time.

Easter

Mara's first Easter was a mix of worship, good friends, excellent food and an Easter basket thrown into the mix.  That morning I got Mara in her Easter dress bright an early.  I had a fleeting thought that maybe I should have waited a bit but brushed it off.  Minutes later she had pooped up her back and her dress was done.

pretty girl

Observing everything

So I did what every self respecting mom does in the same situation.  I put my head down and scrubbed.  She was wearing this dress!  Luckily I was able to get it clean and dry before we had to head out the door to church.

Our church was serving breakfast before service that day so we got in early and enjoyed good fellowship and food with friends.  After breakfast, I headed down to the nursery where I was on duty for the day.  For the most part it wasn't too bad but I definitely wouldn't want to have three little ones all around the same age.

Can't get enough

Love how these two little boys from church love on Mara

After service we headed home. Josh spent some time outside working on the lawn while Mara and I played.  Again she tried to avoid having her picture taken in her Easter dress.  Before we could give her her basket, blowout number two occured!  I couldn't save the tights but the dress made it.

We quickly got out the camera and handed over her basket.  It was so much fun to see her explore it.  At Christmas she was too small to be really interested in opening presents or even toys.  Now she happily dug right in pulling everything out and of course putting everything in her mouth.

Ohh Easter basket

Down it goes

That night we headed over to a friend's house for some smoked ribs and delicious sides.  The best part by far was the great conversations that always ensue when we all get together.

Celebrating Easter this year was extra special with Mara.  I loved getting to celebrate with her.  As she gets older I can't wait to teach her the real reason we celebrate the holiday.  He is risen!!
 

Knew she'd like the empty eggs the best

Gifts from Grandma

Spring Fling

Last weekend we went to the Spring Festival at the Battalion.  They were having sack races, arts & crafts, an egg hunt and the Easter Bunny was going to visit.  It was the first beautiful day in a while and we were excited to take advantage of it.  Mara was a little too small to enjoy all the activities they had set up but we still wanted to get out and make memories as a family.

Ready for Spring Fling

Mara gets kisses from her friend Dusty

Easter Bunny

I think the most interesting part of the day for her was just checking out everything that was going on and seeing all the other little kids.  We watched some of the races and then went inside to check out the arts & crafts.  After roaming around for a bit, it was time for the Easter egg hunt where Mara found her first (and only) Easter egg!  She loved it.  Or more so loved trying to get it in her mouth.

Daddy and Mara bouncing!

She found one!

Starting to get a bit interested

We then watched all the little kids search which took all of 30 seconds.  They had that place cleaned out quickly!  Then Josh took Mara into the jump house to see how she would like it.  She seemed indifferent and more interested in the kids around her than the jumping.

Still not super into it

Letting the Easter bunny hold her

The last part of our day was the Easter bunny.  She was far more intrigued then she was with Santa.  She loved the fur on the costume and even let the bunny hold her.  I was really surprised that she didn't utter a single peep!

Josh doing a little egg judging

Babywearing at the Spring Fling

Overall the day was really nice.  We got to get out as a family and enjoy this beautiful spring weather. We also got to cross off a few firsts for Mara and most importantly spend some time together.

Mara's worn out!

Mara-26 Weeks

Weight: You are 17 pounds 4 ounces and 26.5 inches long.  You are in the 70% and 60% respectively.

First day in 9 month clothes

Health: You have been doing so good in this department the last two weeks.  You've only had one day where you threw up but I think that was a fluke.  I hope you continue to be our healthy girl!!

Social: You continue to be very social.  You love to be in the nursery at church so you can play with the other babies.  You grab for faces and really observe everyday actions.  I can already see you trying to mimic others facial expressions.

Diet: Breast milk and purees!  We tried a little breastmilk in a sippy cup the other day but you weren't too interested.  Mama's ok with that because that just means she has to spend more time with the pump rather than nursing you and right now she would rather nurse you!

You are still getting about 1 ounce at night.  We have tried sweet potatoes, avocado, pears, red peppers, green beans, zucchini and apples.  You HATED the green beans but are still on the fence with the zucchini and apples.  We're going to try them again today and see what you think.  Your body still hasn't completely caught up with the new food.  Its kind of funny to hear you grunt girl.  Mama feels so bad laughing but you make so much noise when you're trying to "take care of business".

You still seem to love dinner time and happily sit in your chair as we feed you.  I can already see that you are becoming Miss. Independent in this though.  You like to grab the spoon and "guide" it to your mouth.  I bet we'll soon be doing a form of baby led weaning because I just know you're not going to be satisfied with us feeding you for much longer.

Red peppers 

Clothes: You are officially in 9 month clothes.  I packed away anything 6 month and under although some things still fit.  I figured you had so much 9 month things that I better get started with them otherwise you won't wear them all!  Its for the best as these clothes seem to fit you the best.

I've noticed that you're feet are pretty small.  When we do put shoes on you, you are still comfortably in 0 to 6 month shoes.  I think that's size 1?  Size 2 is way too big!  You must take after your Daddy in this department as Mama has big feet.

Your diapers are fitting much better.  I don't regret going with the one size cloth diapers because buying multiple sizes seems crazy to me.  I do wish the fit didn't fluctuate so much though.

Bead mazes taste yummy

Mama's Favorites: I am still loving seeing you interact with your daddy.  You are finally at the age where you are able to do those daddy daughter things.  You ride on his shoulders and bounce on the bed.  Daddy is so much fun!

I am also loving your independent streak lately.  I love to see you play on your own and explore things.  You still need your mama but I love you trying to do things for yourself too.

Crying: You still aren't really crying a lot.  You do fuss when you want to be held but will stop if picked up or talked to.  You are a super content baby!

Strategically placed duck

Sleep:  You are doing AMAZING in this department.  We got a new swaddler (the Halo Sleep Sack Swaddler) and it seems to work wonders.  You have yet to escape it and are seriously so much more calmer.  I like it because I don't feel like I have to put another blanket on you after you are in it either which is the safest way for you to sleep.

Lately you have been sleeping from 6 to 8 hours straight at night!!  You usually wake up around 4 to nurse and then sleep till 8 or so.  I have even stopped bringing you into my room in the mornings because you have stopped your frequent wakings in the mornings.  I love it and am so thankful.

You new favorite place to be

 This Week: This week daddy was in the field again so we had lots of girl time.  We kept busy visiting with friends and going to meetings around post.  You, like always, were the best girl during these times.

We also went to the Spring Festival for our Battalion.  You got to meet the Easter Bunny and hunt for some Easter eggs.  Daddy even took you into the bounce house to jump around!

Blurry but so happy

Baby Likes: You are still putting everything in your mouth.  You love all your toys especially the ones that make music.

Even though you are loving eating big girl food, you are still nursing like crazy.  You love to nurse and still use it for comfort.

You love to sit up now and really hate it when we lay you down.  You still don't have your balance perfected and will sometimes fall backwards.  The funny part is sometimes this doesn't even faze you.

Distracted by the TV

Milestones: You have two teeth on the bottom!!  They still aren't completely in but they come in more and more each day.

You have recently started to look for recognition from Daddy and I.  You will hit a button to play music on your activity table and then look at us as if saying, "Look what I did."  We smile and then you do it again.

You have also seemed to figure out cause and effect.  You will hit your activity table to make the music go then sit back and listen to the duration of the song.  When its done you reach over and hit another button.  This goes on for hours.

You are saying more syllables but by far your favorite way of communicating is grunting.  You grunt to make your point clear and to express your frustration.

You met the Easter bunny and did so much better than with Santa.  You let the bunny hold you and loved touching the fur.

You recently love to stick out your tongue.  You do it when you smile and when you're concentrating on something.  Its adorable.

We've started to do sign language with you.  Nothing major just simple signs for milk and eat.  You are really interested and watch us when we are doing them.  I'm sure you'll surprise us and do them soon!

Girl I think you want to do so much more.  You are trying to scoot and get so mad when you can't.  You are also trying to play with toys that are a bit beyond your age group and sometimes can't make things work like they should.  You get so angry.  I can just see your mind trying to tell your hands what to do.

A tongue shot

Best of Times:  Having daddy home from the field and getting to spend all weekend as a family.  We took pictures and played.  You met the easter bunny and got many rides on daddy's shoulders, which you loved.

Standing to play

Worst of Times:  Having daddy in the field for a whole week.  We kept really busy but its never the same without him around!

6 Months of Mara Rae

Starting Solids

So we've been experimenting with solid food for a while now with Mara.  I've been meaning to write about it but have put it to the back burner.  I find I tend to compile my thoughts on a subject once I feel I have a good grasp of it and I just don't feel that way about this yet.

Mara has been sitting with us at the table for awhile now during meals.  We really wanted her to get used to her high chair and the nightly ritual of a meal.  In the beginning she was just excited to be in her chair with us.  We'd give her a toy or two and go about our meal.  Soon she started to get really interested in what we were doing.  She would watch us bring food to our mouths and started reaching for things on our plate.

This is about the time we started letting her taste some things.  She got a lick of anything "soupy" and was loving it.  It was our trip to Asheville that was probably the real start of true experimenting though.  There she was on our laps so much during meals that we let her suck on a few things on our plates (ie. bananas and pickles).

When we got back I started seriously looking into some baby food reciepes and doing a little research.  We decided that we wanted to skip the whole rice cereal craze and just jump into fruits and veggies.  I also knew that I wanted to make her food.  One I think this is the cheapest way of doing things but I also feel better knowing exactly what I am giving her.

Despite my overwhelming desire to make her food, this is surprisingly the part that made me the most nervous.  What foods do I start her on? How long do we try each food before its safe (no allergy)? Can I mix foods? So many questions ran and still run through my head.

Basically I just decided to jump right in.  I started buying produce at the store to make a variety of foods.  I thought we'll try a little of each and see what her favorites will be.  I also assume that she probably won't be satisfied with purees long and soon we'll just be giving her what we're eating.  I bought avocado, zucchini, red pepper, carrots, green beans, pears, sweet potatoes, apples and peaches.  For the most part I just either steam or roast the item and then puree it till its a consistency I know she can handle.  I don't worry about it being perfectly smooth because she needs to get used to a little bit of texture.  Then I freeze it in about 1 ounce portions and store it in the freezer till she's ready to eat it.

So what does she like...Well she loves sweets.  Hmm wonder where she gets that from? :) She loves her pears and sweet potatoes.  She seems on the fence with avocado and the red pepper although she will eat both if she hasn't had pears or sweet potatoes lately.  The girl remembers!  Green beans have been the funniest experience to date.  I'd say she's not a fan.  She literally sticks out her tongue to let them fall off or spits them across the table.  I'm going to keep trying but we may have to mix those with something.

Right now we mainly just give her a little at night for dinner.  We were thinking of increasing the amount of solids but we're holding off till her digestive track can catch up a bit.  Although she loves to eat and will reach for food, she really has had an adjustment phase when it comes to *cough* relieving herself.  Hopefully this gets better or more stable soon as I hate to see my girl in pain.

In the meantime I guess we'll just keep trying.  As with everything I'm sure this will start to feel normal soon and I'll feel like I have a better grip on her diet.  Its a new stage and its been exciting to see her experiment and enjoy new tastes.  I can't be her only nourishment forever and I love her enjoy her food (and make a mess of it!)

Breastfeeding Beyond 6 Months

Mara just turned 6 months a few weeks ago and a part of me just rejoiced that we have made it this far with our breastfeeding journey.  I know its a topic so many moms struggle with and I not writing to advocate one way or another.  (You have to do what's right for you and your babe) As always I just want to document where we are right now and how we are moving forward.

From the beginning, like most new moms, I had serious doubts that we would even make it to the 6 month mark breastfeeding.  It seemed like there were too many potential hurdles to get over. But we did it.  Despite a few issues with a tongue-tie we have been blessed to not have any other obstacles to overcome.

So here we are at 6 months with a healthy little girl who loves to nurse!  We usually nursing in the morning about an hour after she wakes up.  Then it ranges from every 2 to 4 hours. At night she's finally increasing her sleep time.  I can normally get anywhere between 4 and 6 hours of sleep before she wants to nurse again.  As the morning comes her awake times get closer and closer together.  Usually though she will only nurse twice at night.

I haven't tried to put Mara on a schedule when it comes to feeding and I think this has really helped us.  I still nurse on demand which I believe has really kept up my supply.  I'm not perfect.  There are days I don't drink enough water.  Maybe I have a drink or two but my supply has still been there.  The only thing I don't really make time to do is pump, but that's a whole other story.

So where do we go from here?  Well honestly I'm not completely sure.  I've started to try to pump more so I can have extra milk for when she starts using a sippy cup or to thin out solids but at the same time I'm not ready to stop nursing.  I think for the time being we'll just keep doing what we're doing.  I'd love to breastfeed her till at least a year and the way she loves to nurse I don't see her wanting to stop.  But as with anything related to this whole parenting thing, we shall see.  I've stopped trying to put expectations on it anymore.  Each day, each time she nurses its an accomplishment.

Dear Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

I can't believe you're half a year already.  I know I say this all the time but where did the months go?! I think 6 months hit me the hardest because its officially half a year.  Now you're closer to one year then you are to that squishy newborn phase I remember all too well.

Everyday we are absolutely amazed by you baby girl.  You are growing and learning new things so fast.  You have a great concept of cause and effect.  You love music and you have started to really find your voice.  All of this just blows my mind. You are such a big girl.  You sit up all by yourself and are now eating purees.  Soon you'll be crawling and walking!  We can't wait to see those first moments and to hear your first words.

I love watching you interact with us.  My mornings with you just brighten my day.  You smile up at me and all seems right with the day.  It doesn't matter how little sleep I've gotten the night before or if I've been frustrated with trying to get you down.  It all just goes away with that first smile.

Today I just looked down at you while you slept and marveled.  Marveled at your perfect face and how peaceful you looked.  Marveled at your little hand wrapped around mine. Just marveled.  I soaked in your littleness and just reminded myself that I won't get these moments back.  That they will be gone before I know it.

Your daddy still holds a special place in your heart.  You love to talk to him and he can always make you smile.  I love how you recognize his voice when he calls while he's away and you always look around for him.  You're so smart in that way baby girl!  It makes my heart explode to see how much your daddy loves you.  He'd move the world for you baby girl if you asked him.

Baby girl we cannot wait to see what the rest of this first year brings.  We are so blessed to have you in our lives and thank God everyday for allowing us to be your parents.

We love you baby girl!

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

The Dreaded D Word

Deployment.

That dreaded d word that it seems every military family has had to deal with over the last ten years.  Some soldiers have been on multiple deployments spending years away from their families.  Others are being sent for their first time.  No matter how many times deployments come up it never gets easier for the soldiers leaving and the families they leave behind.

We've known about this deployment ever since Josh took command about one year ago.  At first it was just a lingering thought in the back of our minds; something on the horizon but nothing to worry about in the present.

As time goes on and the date gets closer, reality has started to sink in.  It creeps up on us over a holiday that we won't get to spend together next year or just in a passing phrase.  There's moments when I feel prepared and there's moments of weakness.

Mostly I get upset when I think of Mara.  She loves her daddy and it just hurts my heart for her and him to be apart. I can take comfort in knowing that in the long run she won't remember this time and I can do all I can to make the transition easier for Josh (because despite his strength I know its going to be hard on him).

Initially, I was really struggling with the "Why us?" question for awhile.  Why now when we have just gotten married?  Just started our lives together?  Just had Mara? But then my mother-in-law said something that just really clicked for me.  We've prayed for this to go away.  We've prayed for direction.  We've prayed for a sign.  Nothing has changed.  And that's OK.  Because this is His will.  And if there's not a safer place to be than in the center of God's will for your life.  I take such comfort in this.

We will get through this deployment and it will only make us stronger.  In the meantime we will rejoice in the little moments and soak up every second we have together until he leaves.  This is what we do.  We're a military family and we choose to serve our nation.  There will be sacrifices and this is just one of those times.

If you think about it I just ask for prayer.  Prayer for the soldiers.  For their safety and confidence in their ability to carry out their mission.  Prayer for the families.  For strength to endure the time apart from their loved one and the ability to run their households alone.  Prayer for me.  To enjoy every minute and to just live in the moment.  Prayer for Mara as we go through this transition period.  Most of all prayer for Josh.  For his safety first and foremost but also that he's able to confidently lead his soldiers and accomplish the mission.