Dear Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

Baby girl your Daddy came home the other day.  Despite trying to prepare you I think you were completely surprised.  Why is this guy not in the computer like he always is?

We met Daddy at the hospital and you were so shy.  You didn't cry or get upset.  You were just so unsure.  You clung to Mama's leg and wanted to be held.

This wore off so fast little girl.  I think by the time we were in the car you had realized Daddy was home.  You held his hand the entire ride.  And when we got home, Baby Girl, you were all his.

You brought him books to read and showed him all your favorite toys.  You chased him around the house on your Radio Flyer and sat on his lap during dinner.

Over the next few days your Daddy became your whole world.  You were his shadow, trailing him around the house no matter where he went!  Mama was no longer wanted (and this was totally fine).

All this, your reaction to having your Daddy back, just warmed my heart.  I knew you missed him.  I knew you knew who he was.  I knew you'd do ok.  I just didn't expect you to pick up so quickly where you left off.

It's like he was never gone in your eyes.

Baby girl I am so happy you have your Daddy back.  I know how much you missed him (and he you)!  It makes Mama's heart so happy to see you two together again!

Love you to the moon and back,

Mama & Daddy

He's Home

So I've been a little absent from this space of mine for the last few weeks but it's all been for a good reason...HE'S HOME!

Finally

It's a long story of how we came to be in this early homecoming but after a minor health scare Josh was redeployed stateside.  (I'm not going to go into any details about this but know he's doing well)

I don't think I've read a book since he's been home

Mara and I got the notice Friday, February 6th that Josh would be arriving late that day. I felt like a ball of nerves waiting for the clock to tick down.  We made a few signs for the house and chalked the driveway to kill the time.  Even Mara seemed to know something was in the air too as she refused her nap till just about the time we had to leave.

Daddy and Daughter

Over her nervousness

That day we were supposed to meet Josh in the ER.  It wasn't your typical deployment reunion but at that point we were just too excited to be all together again that honestly I didn't care.  Mara and I sat in the waiting room, along with most of the battalion command team, waiting for them to let us go back.  Josh's plane was delayed and then they had to medically clear him before we could go back.  I think we probably sat in the waiting room for close to an hour.  Thankfully Miss Mara kept my mind off the nerves as she ran circles around the hospital chairs.

Mara's shirt for the day

Finally the doctor came out and called us back.  I scooped Mara up along with the diaper bag and my purse and followed him back to Josh's room.  It was surreal when the doctor pulled back the curtain and Josh was sitting there on the hospital bed.  We had had a lot of time to prepare for his return but it still just didn't feel real.

One of our signs

We hugged.  We kissed.  Mara just took it all in.  She wasn't so sure initially but quickly warmed up to Daddy.  After a little bit of paperwork we got out of there and headed home.

Love him

I think the rest of the night we all were just in awe.  Awe of being in the same room again.  Awe of each other. I tried to just soak it all in.  No more deployment.  No more skype.  Our little family was together again!

Dear Baby Girl-A Letter From Your Daddy

Dear Baby Girl,

Daddy is writing this note to you from Afghanistan where I'm deployed with the Army. It is Sunday; the day our family celebrates the Sabbath-day rest. It is hard to step away from work here and just rest. Daddy just listened to Pastor Bill back in NC give a sermon. I am so thankful that even in a war-zone half way around the world I am able to download a sermon and fellowship in spirit with our church family back home.

Daddy really misses you, girl. It was terribly hard for me to say goodby to you and you mommy two months ago. Time has dulled the pain a little, though and it gives me so much joy to see you and mommy almost every day over Skype.  Its hard to believe how big you are getting. You are now 10 months old and I feel like I've missed so many of your latest achievements. Daddy was able to see you crawl for the first time over Skype, though. You seem to really enjoy seeing me on the computer. Mommy says you go crawling to the computer every time you hear the Skype jingle. She thinks you know it's me on the other end. You have been talking a lot to me and you seem to enjoy showing me some of the new things you've learned. You like to show me how you can drop your toys out of Buddy's cat door and you like to try to put the jelly sandwich toy together but usually just bang the pieces of bread together until mommy helps you put it all together. You then immediately proceed to pull it all apart again. You also like to pretend call me either with mommy's iPhone or your own play phone. You hold it up to your ear whenever one of us says "Hello", and then you start jabbering away into the phone.

It has been a real joy for me to see you and Buddy getting along so well. Before I left he seemed to keep his distance and would only occasionally come up to smell you or tolerate your presence when daddy was giving him some scratches. Now that I'm gone, he seems to have warmed up to you. Maybe he just misses the attention daddy used to give him and will take it from whomever will give it. Either way, he now will come up to you when you are playing on the floor and plop right down against you. He also likes to smell your forehead, just like he does with me. You seem to know this and put your head against his so he can sniff you. Maybe you think he's giving you kisses. You still will pull his hair and smack his bottom, but I think you've learned to be more gentile than you used to. Buddy seems to take it in stride and even purrs during the beatings. You pull so much hair off of him, its a shock that mommy hasn't seen any of his hair in your poop yet.

You are now pulling up to stand on just about anything you think has something interesting to destroy (i mean play with). Pretty soon you will be standing on your own and then it is off to the races for mommy. You are now in IL visiting with your grandma and grandpa. I know they are excited to see you and your grandma is lavishing gifts on you even before your 1st birthday. Daddy knows this is grandma's love language so he tolerates this. It is really neat to see that grandma kept all of your mommy's toys and now you are playing with them. You really seem to enjoy the Lil Tykes scooter. Daddy couldn't get you to focus the last time we chatted because all you wanted to do was to get in the scooter and be pushed around.

Well, I love you, Mara. Thank you for brightening my day every time we chat. I can't wait to see you again in person even though that time still seems so far away. Prepare yourself for the biggest hug you've ever had in your life. It will be like bear hugs times a billion - trillion.

Daddy

Adjusting to Deployment

A little more than a month into this deployment I feel like Mara and I are finally getting into somewhat of a routine.  The days aren't dragging on as much and my mentality has shifted from a "let's get through the day" to larger scale picture.

At first it seemed like he was just in the field.  Yes I knew where he actually was but it didn't feel permanent; like it would be over in a week or two.  Now I feel like I am getting more focused on the bigger picture.

Thankfully we have been able to connect with Josh everyday.  The ease of communication continues to astonish me and I hope I don't take it for granted because I know its a blessing.  Mara has been able to "talk" with Josh and does a really good job of engaging with him via the computer.  It's so great to see.

We have also been texting throughout the day and I try to send care packages and cards occasionally.  I hope it lightens his day and keeps him smiling.  As hard as some of my days here, I can't even imagine what Josh is going through on a day to day basis.

I don't mean to sugar coat it.  There are good days and there are bad.  There are times where I think yes I can do this then others where I literally say I'm done; tell the Army you need to come home (lol) I think there is things I need to work on.  I need to learn to take help from others and take time for myself.  But we're getting there.  We will figure this deployment thing out.  We will get through this and it's only going to make us stronger.  

We've been singing this song in church lately.  It's really hit home with me and I can't get through singing it without tearing up.  It goes like this:

Jesus, Draw me ever nearer
As I labor through the storm
You have called me to this passage
And I'll follow, though I'm worn

May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my hearts testing
With Your likeness let me wake

Jesus, guide me through the tempest
Keep my spirit stayed and sure
When the midnight meets the morning
Let me love You even more

May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my hearts testing
With Your likeness let me wake


Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go
And at the end of this long passage
Let me leave them at your throne

May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my hearts testing
With Your likeness let me wake

9 Month Sleep Regression

Mara has never been a great sleeper.  Sleeping through the night you say.  What's that?  Even at 9 months I still count 5 straight hours as a good thing.  Then she started only waking once at night.  What's this I thought?  This is amazing.  I can get a solid 6 hours minimum before she woke up to nurse.

Enter our recent couple of weeks.  Suddenly my sleeping child is waking up every two hours or so.  Yes I did this with my newborn but wow did it frazzle this mama 9 months in.  I was angry.  I was sleep deprived.  I was frustrated.  To top it off I was in this new sleep battle alone.  Now I didn't have Josh there to converse with; bounce ideas off.  It was up to me.

There was tears from both Mara and me.  Long restless hours in the middle of the night where she frankly refused to fall asleep.  Nights that once I got her to sleep I laid there willing my now awake brain to shut down and go back to sleep.  Mornings where all I wanted to do was throw the covers over my head and escape from it all.

We are in no way emerging from this regression.  (as I write this Mara is stirring and likely to wake up) But I am starting to come to terms with it with a whole lot of prayer and grace.  When I feel like I can't do another day, He gives me the strength to go another hour then that beautiful girl flashes me the most amazing smile and makes it all better.

I have also been blessed with the most amazing community of family and friends around me.  They have surrounded me with love and laughter.  They have lifted me up in prayer when I was too discouraged to turn to Him myself.  And my poor husband.  I can't even imagine what he's feeling when I text him about ready to pull my hair out in the middle of the night; in the middle of my struggle.  How helpless he must feel.  But he's amazing and encouraging.  He's never once downgraded my feelings or made me feel like I was overreacting.  He may be thinking it (haha) but he's never expressed it.  Even halfway around the world he's great.

Currently Mara is waking up anywhere from 3 to 4 times a night.  She seems frazzled and restless.  I read that 9 months can be a really difficult time for them as they are learning all sorts of new motor skills as well as their brain is really starting to remember and analyze their world.  It's hard for them to shut it off.  Sure some babies sail through this phase without a blink of the eye but not Mara.  But that's ok.  We'll get through this.  She will sleep again.  I will sleep again.

Life Lately

Life has been a mix of slow and fast lately.  Some days seem to drag on while others are gone in the blink of an eye.  Mara has been getting very mobile lately so I spend most of my day chasing after her.  It seem every time I turn around she's into something new and most of the time it's something she shouldn't be into!  BUT that's this phase of life and it's important for her to be exploring her surroundings.

Her and Buddy have been becoming the best of friends lately.  Poor Buddy is missing all the attention from Josh so he has resorted to Mara and I.  I love him but after being pinched, poked and prodded all day by Mara I just don't want to be touched anymore and he sees the brunt of this.  So he goes and rubs up on Mara.  She pulls his ears and fur.  He puts up with it for the occasional pat of his belly.

We've been getting together with friends when we can.  Just this weekend we participated in a multi-family garage sale and spent the morning making deals and organizing items.  I didn't bring that much to sell because frankly I didn't have much time to sort through anything.  I ended up selling a few clothing items and shoes which is great because I definitely needed to clear a little space out in my closet.

I keep thinking we need to get into more of a weekly routine around here.  Maybe find some play groups in the area or something.  It's been a little hard getting motivated to with our big trip up north coming up shortly.  I hate committing to things to only have to say, "Oh by the way we can't make it."

Mara and I are planning on going up north for a bit to spend some time with my family and Josh's.  I'm excited to see everyone and am hoping that this vacation will help make the time away from Josh go a bit faster on our end.  We'll be driving up there which is a whole new ball park for me.  Thankfully my aunt Mary is coming down to help (praise the Lord!).  She's such a trooper when it comes to driving distance that I know this trek is going be so much easier.

I've been thinking a bit about Mara's first birthday (how is my baby almost one?!).  My mom wants to throw her a party and who am I to say no.  :)  I'm thinking we'll do some simple decorations; ie I'm going to make almost everything.  Maybe Twinkle Twinkle star themed?  Star shaped food.  Star garlands.  Sounds easy enough right?

Otherwise life has been pretty much the same daily routine.  Yes it's different without Josh here and we've had to make some major adjustments but the daily household grind is the same.  The clothes still need to be laundered.  The dishes still need to be washed.  It's just not as much laundry and dishes as before.  I keep saying we're figuring out our new normal and we are.  We're not quite there yet but we're on our way.

The Goodbye

Saying goodbye to Josh was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  On one hand we were dreading the day, wishing it to never come but then on the other it was like ok this has to happen and let's get this started so that we are only one day closer to being together again.

I have never seen a deployment ceremony before and was really pleasantly surprised with how informal it was.  Words were said by the battalion commander and the commander of Ft. Bragg and then everyone was allowed to just have family time.

I really cherished this time.  We were able to pull off in the corner and just soak in every last minute.  Josh got to hold Mara and I got to hold Josh.

A few of our friends were there and captured these sweet moments.  We will always treasure these.

Dear Baby Girl

Dear Baby Girl,

Do you know how lucky you are little girl?

Do you know how lucky you are to have a Daddy like you do? A Daddy who sacrifices so that the rest of us can live the life we sometimes take for granted.  A Daddy who willingly puts on his uniform day in and day out because he loves what he does, because of an inner duty that drives him.  A Daddy who had to be away from his little girl and her mommy because of a cause bigger than all of us.

Baby Girl I wanted to write you this letter because I know you will not remember.  You won't remember this time when your Daddy wasn't here.  

In a way we are comforted by this but at the same time I want you to know what it was like for him.  The days leading up to his departure were rough.  Baby girl he wanted to spend so much time with you, to make precious memories.  We soaked up each and every moment we had.  We laughed and we cried.

It was like you knew something big was about to happen, girl.  To watch you two together those few weeks just about made my heart explode.  Your Daddy became your world.  You lit up when he entered the room and the smiles you two shared were breathtaking.

We marveled at the little accomplishments you did knowing that in the back of our minds he was going to miss quite a few in the months to come.  He was so strong, Baby Girl.  He tried not to let it show but it was those quiet moments that got to him.  When you held his hand so tightly, not wanting to let go.  When he comforted you in the night.  Those were the hardest.  But oh girl how he loves you.  It was so hard because of just how much he loves you.

The day we said good-bye to daddy was rough but you were such a comfort to both daddy and mommy.  You went right to your daddy and snuggled into him.  Although you were asleep you seemed to soak in these precious minutes.  You grasped his coat and buried your face into his neck.  Daddy was doing the same, kissing your precious head and smelling your wonderful smell.

Giving you back to mama was probably one of the hardest things Daddy had to do that day, girl.  Thankfully  you woke up to flash him that smile of yours and give one last open mouthed kiss.

We are a military family, baby girl, and that sometimes means we will have to be apart.  That your Daddy will have to leave to go protect others.  This is just one of the sacrifices we choose to make as a family.  I pray that when you get older and look back at this time through pictures and stories that this is what sticks out most to you:  that Daddy doesn't love you less because he had to be away but that his love for you will always hold despite distance and time.  It will never falter.

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Memorial Day Weekend

This past weekend Josh had a four day (which are the best kind of weekends in military life).  With the deployment on the horizon we wanted to soak up every minute together as a little family.

On Friday we went to a new state park that's only ten minutes from our house!  We had been waiting for it to open up and are glad that we have this little gem basically in our backyard.  The park was small but perfect for a quick hike or a little fishing trip.  We threw Mara on our backs and away we went.  The hiking loop basically made its way to the lake via an old farmhouse, then weaved around the water, finally making its way back along the same path.

On the trail

Mara out for the count

Beautiful scenery

The hike only took about an hour but it was nice to get outside and get some fresh air.  Mara slept most of the walk and Josh and I enjoyed the quiet time just us too.  I think this is a park we'll definitely be back to in the future.

The rest of Friday was spent catching up around the house.  Josh worked on a composting project he's had in the works for a bit now.  Mara went swimming in her new kiddie pool and I did some yard work.

Loving her pool

Summer is in full gear here so on Saturday we headed to one of the pools on base to swim.  We wanted to cool off and introduce Mara to her first pool experience.  Overall she didn't know what to expect.  I think she was more interested in the kids around her than the water.  We weren't able to put her in her float and had to carry her.  I think once she's on her own a bit she's really going to love it.

Daddy and Mara in the pool

Mara and Mama at the pool

After the pool we again headed back to the house for a relaxing evening.  We were all beat from the heat and just spent the rest of the evening playing and enjoying each other.

dumping the toy basket is always the best fun

Daddy was watching her.  Note the blocks used as a pillow.

Sunday we were introduced as members at our church.  After service we headed to Josh's office for a quick clean up.  Mara and I were happy to help him get everything situated.  We also may have had a slight hidden agenda: by helping him then we got to spend more time with him and hopefully save him some time that he has to spend in the office this week :)

That evening we grilled some delicious steaks and just enjoyed family time.  There's nothing better than getting on the ground with Mara while she explores her toys, everything seemingly new each time.

Monday started off amazing with Mara giving Josh and I 9 hours of sleep.  So after our lazy morning we spent the rest of the day playing games and being together.  In the evening we headed to another couple from church's house for a memorial day BBQ.  The spread was awesome and I definitely over indulged!  

Relaxing outside

Memorial day weekend was and will always be first about the service of those military men and women who have given the ultimate sacrifice.  We are forever in debt to them and their families.  As a military family ourselves we are even more grateful of this time together and appreciated the extra family time with the deployment imminent.    

A Prayer for Deployment

Lord thank you for this time you've given us to be together.  I am so thankful for these past two weeks; getting to spend time with family and friends.  This time has been so amazing for our family and it has been such a blessing.

Lord I just ask that as we get closer to departure you are just with us reminding us how special this time is. Let us treasure each moment and not worry about the months to come.

I also just thank you for this deployment, Lord.  It really has given me a new appreciation for my husband and has brought us even closer.  I know that this is your plan for our family and You always have our best interest in mind.  We will come out of this better and stronger for it.

My prayer is that in this time apart we just grow closer to You.  Let us turn to you in the hard times for comfort and thus grow closer to each other in the process.

Most of all Lord we continue to pray for safety. Safety for Josh and his soldiers.  Lord protect them as they travel and arrive in country.  Watch over them and deliver them safely back to their families.