Our Breastfeeding Journey

*Note I don't write this post to discourage anyone from bottle feeding.  I know that every child and mom are different.  I just write to mainly document our experience and how we've made it work.

Breastfeeding.  I can say honestly the thing I was MOST afraid of with this whole birth/child thing.  Silly I know.  Why worry about that when there are bigger things like giving birth and I don't know raising a child to think about?  But I was...terrified.  What if it didn't work?  What if I didn't produce any milk?  What if she wasn't interested?  Pregnancy hormones combined with maybe one too many how to books drove me to the brink of worry.

BUT here we are almost four months in and (knock on wood) doing great. Our journey isn't without setbacks, tears and one or two sleepless nights.  Like most new moms, I experienced a lot of trouble with her latch early on.  She was interested shortly after birth but wasn't able to due to retaining a lot of fluid.  Whenever she'd latch on she couldn't breathe because her nose was full.  We spent that first night squeezing colostrum into her mouth.  The docs got her some saline for her nose and we finally felt like we were over that first hurdle.  She would actually nurse!

Then started the whole process of figuring out which positions worked best for both of us.  My little girl is picky and we quickly noticed she would only nurse from each side in a specific hold.  Mara likes to nurse from my left side in an across the body hold but on the right she will only eat if she is in a football carry position.  (Yes this still holds true today)  To this day I don't know if its the shape of nipple or something to do with her digestive system but we ran with it happy to just have her latching on.

About a month after coming home from the hospital I was getting frustrated that breastfeeding still hurt.  I know initially there's some soreness as you build up some tolerance but at four weeks I was crying through feedings and feeling really helpless.  While in the hospital, Mara had been diagnosed as being tongue tied.  The doctor said it was minor but referred us to an ENT just in case.

The day we got Mara's tongue clipped was really the turning point in our breastfeeding relationship.  Immediately I noticed a difference.  She was no longer chewing but taking the appropriate amount of breast into her mouth and sucking.  And most important, it wasn't painful.  I am forever grateful to that doctor.  My strong desire to breastfeed my child and a lot of prayer is all that got me through that time (oh and a TON of support from Josh).

Afterwards it was seemingly smooth sailing.  I healed.  Mara kept feeding and growing.  Then at about 7 weeks we noticed she was just so fussy.  Sure some would chalk it up to colic but I was convinced I had a happy little girl under there.  After a diaper filled with "curds" we had our answer.  Mara couldn't handle dairy.  It was so heart breaking.  Here's my little girl who hurts and is trying to find comfort the one way she knows and that's to feed.  Yet its my milk that is causing the issue all along.

All of my nieces and nephews couldn't yet I didn't heed my sisters' warnings to eliminate it from my diet.  My child will be different I thought.  I can't give up cheese.  Lesson learned.

So I started the process of cutting it out of my diet.  I know some people would have taken this as a sign to switch to a soy-based formula but I was determined to continue breastfeeding.  No milk.  No cheese.  No yogurt. Nothing dairy.  And it worked.  As the dairy left my body, Mara's temperament mellowed.  Days were filled with smiles rather than constant feeding and fussiness.

Today we're still exclusively breastfeeding and I don't see that ending anytime soon.  She loves to nurse and hates taking a bottle.  She will but only when she is starving otherwise she cries for her mama.  Thus far we haven't had to overcome any issues with infection, blocked ducts, supply, etc. but if we do we'll deal with them then and hopefully overcome them.  She isn't interested in other foods yet and we're hoping to continue to breastfeed exclusively till at least six months.  As for long term, I'm not sure yet.  I would like to continue to feed at least one year but we'll take each new day as it comes.

Breastfeeding has been an up and down roller coaster for us.  We've had our struggles but its all been worth it.  I smile when I see you go into a milk coma after you feed.  When your little hands roam my body because you need to be able to touch mama.  When you smile because you know I am going to feed you.  When you reach for me for comfort.

I am your Mama and it makes my heart so full to be able to do this for you baby girl.